Donna in Hollywoodland

I Guess I Don't Have it That Bad

I have to admit sometimes I really get down in the dumps about the whole breast cancer thing.
Especially now that my 6 month check up is in February, and I am trying not to worry about it.

Its not fun going through Radiation and having your skin fall off in the shower.
Sometimes I feel like I want to put a bag over my head, or crawl under the covers and never come out.

Then, other times I feel like once things are back to normal, I am going to appreciate my body and my breasts, and post nudie pics of myself on this website. And sleep with all sorts of strange men.
Seriously, the thought has crossed my mind. I want to appreciate what I have, in case I lose it.
Though I doubt I have enough guts to do any of it. I'm just not Bohemian and crazy enough. And I have too many morals.

Well, I was out with some friends. An acquaintance I don't know very well was with us.
She is an older Jewish lady. Maybe in her mid-60s.
And being in your mid-60s is not being old, kiddies.
Not in this modern time.

I saw she was wearing sandal's, and her feet were wrapped up with bandages.
And she was using a walker.
As she sat down, I went over to sit next to her.

"Oh, no you hurt your foot. Are you alright?" I asked.

Well, she just had most of her toes amputated.
On both feet.

"Diabetes?" I asked.

Yes.

I don't know much about Diabetes. But I know someone else whose 80 year old mother has it. And they had to do surgery on her toe once, to re-route some veins so she wouldn't lose the toe.

As I talked to this woman, her story became clear. She was working a Temp job which just ended.
No insurance. No money. No car.
I am sure she didn't take care of herself because she could not afford the doctor.
And the diabetes did not stay controlled, and she lost her toes.

"Are you on the bus tonight?" I asked.
She was depending on some State-run ride share to pick her up. And they are never on time.
"I can give you a lift home if you want." I said.

So I drove her home.
As we drove, she mentioned she had other terrible health problems as well. She didn't say what they were but I was getting the impression it was Cancer-related.
And I noticed she was wearing a wig.

I told her "Yeah, I've had a bad year as well. In August I had a lumpectomy for breast cancer. And I just finished the radiation treatments."

The first question out of her mouth was "Did you have to do chemo?"

I said,"I decided not to do it. I have other health problems, I only have one kidney. And I felt there was no assurance that I would not lose that kidney. So I am basically doing alot of health food supplements, eating organic and doing holistic things."

There was really nothing she could say to that.
She doesn't have the choice to eat organic and go holistic.
She has even less money that I do.
I'm far from rich, but I make a decent income doing accounting. So I can blow a chunk of my paycheck on organic food.
I just cut back on other things to compensate.

But if she's lost her temp job and doesn't have a car. Well, it sounds to me like she's at the mercy of the Los Angeles County Medical System. Which could also be the reason she lost her toes.

After I dropped her off, and drove home by myself - all I can say was that I was totally stunned.
It just takes one thing like that for me to realize, I really don't have it that bad at all.