Donna in Hollywoodland

Horrible Advice

The first rule of my Blog is that it is about Me. I very rarely post about other people. I don't like to get into the gossipy, grovel in the dirt, talk trash, type of blogging.
I really try to keep it light, with info and links about where I have been or what I recommend.

But I had a conversation with a friend (?) that just shocked me so much, I want to write about it.
I will try to keep the people and circumstances as anonymous as possible, while telling you about why I am so flippin' mad.

I was in a public place with two friends. Person #A, let call him Jackson. And Person #B, lets called him Billy.
Now I know Jackson somewhat well. We chat on the phone regularly, have hung out, and always talk about whats going on in our mutual worlds.
I know Jackson is a gay male, and we've chatted about our dating adventures in the past.
I don't know Billy that well, tho I have gotten together on occasion - we usually discuss the arts, and don't get to personal.
Both Jackson and Billy know that I attend church on a regular basis, as I have mentioned it in our conversations.

Jackson, Billy and I were hanging out in a public location - mall, restaurant, store - take your pick. We were having a nice visit and chatting.
A handsome man, with a small little girl, was in my location. His little girl was admiring my purse, so I smiled at her and showed her the design.
Jackson and Billy were looking at me and talking. They were within earshot of employees and customers.

I went back towards them. Jackson said "So Donna ?"
I was like "Huh?"
He kept nodding his head in a certain direction.
I said "What ?!?!"
Jackson said "That guy that was standing there - didn't you think he was handsome?"
I replied "I suppose so."
Jackson said "So why didn't you flirt more with him?"
I joked "Ummm, this isn't exactly singles night in a bar. They aren't serving cocktails. I was in line paying my bill."
He said "But don't you think he was handsome - you should have gone after him."
I replied "Okay, but he had a little girl with him. I was talking to her. I assumed that was his little girl, and he was married."

Jackson then said "Well, that doesn't matter. You should go after him anyway. If a man wants you, he'll break up his marriage for you. People leave their spouses all the time."
Billy rolled his eyes.

I was embarrassed, because there were employees and strangers around. And it was apparent that the employee's ears all perked up when he said this.
We were becoming the afternoon entertainment.

I said "No, I don't do that type of thing. I don't go after married men."
Jackson said "Well, it doesn't matter if they are married or not. The man I am dating right now, is married with three small children. And we are an item."

Oh, there was steam coming out of my ears. I was so mad after that remark.
"Well, I hope his wife knows he is cheating on her !"

The look on my face must have been enough. I am sure I looked madder than all hell.
Jackson pretty much shut up.
Billy had his nose in a book. I am sure he knew this was not a good conversation.

I said "Look, guys - I got to go. I have other things I need to get done."
I don't need to be in this situation, I wanted out.
I don't need someone giving me immoral and stupid advice while the employees eavesdrop.

A few days later, Jackson called me on the phone to chat. I decided to address some of my issues, and leave his business as his business.
Though I am not sure I even liked doing that.
I said "Listen, I didn't appreciate you discussing private matters in a location where people were listening in our conversation. If you want to have those discussions in private, thats fine. But not in public where there are strangers and employees listening."
Jackson just said "Oh, I didn't know we had Rules."
I said "It has nothing to do with Rules. You know I am conservative person, that I attend church - yet you are discussing sensitive matters in public. I don't appreciate that."
Jackson said "Okay, now I know the rules."

That isn't what I really wanted to say. I don't know if talking to Jackson, a man over 40 year old who should know better, would do any good.
What I want to do is scream at him at the top of my lungs "You Scum ! You are having an affair with a married man. You are stealing from his three children. Stealing precious time that they could be spending with their Father. Not to mention that the pig you are dating is being dishonest to his wife by having a relationship behind her back without telling her."

But I already know what Jackson would say, because I have had similar conversations with him already.
He's say something like "Oh, Donna, you don't know the pressures of being gay. Of having to put on a phoney Front in life to pretend you are straight, so people accept you."
He's told me that one before - come on, we live in Hollywood. There are all sorts of people around here.
He would tell me his Married Boyfriend is married with three children, just as cover because he is trying to fit into society.

Now, I don't really care if it is Gay relationship. I'm a flexible on my personal thoughts with that. I may be a church-going christian, but I am involved in the entertainment business - so alot of my guy friends are gay.

I would be just a Mad if a friend who is Female told me she was having an affair with a married man.
This is not a gender specific thing.
(About 12 years ago, I worked in an office where there was a young surfer girl having an affair with a rich, older, married man. One day, she brought him to the office and introduced him to her coworkers as "Her boyfriend". She couldn't understand when all the married women in the office were rude to him. She just didn't get it.)

This is about Honesty in life. And I absolutely don't respect people who lie.
Now that I know Jackson can be this dishonest, and can lie this easily - my opinion of him has totally changed.
I won't ever trust him ever again.
If he and his married boyfriend, Mr. Pig, are truly in love - well, the guy needs to be honest, tell his wife and ask for a divorce.
He needs to get out of the married relationship before he dates anyone else.

Not to mention, that this Married guy is totally telling lies to Jackson about whatever is going on in his personal life. And Jackson, who is 40-plus years old, should know better by now.
Chances are if Jackson and Mr. Pig end up together - a few years down the road, Mr. Pig will cheat on Jackson. Thats life.
But people believe what they want to believe.

Not to mention that Jackson should have realized he was talking to me - a straight woman hoping to find a husband. And he is telling me he is stealing from the kind of person I want to be - married, with children. He should have expected me to be Pissed off.
But now I know that Jackson is a pretty stupid person.

I'm just pissed off thats all.
I am angry that anyone would think it is okay to be dating someone who is married.
It is so bad, in so many ways.