Totally Drained
I walked around today feeling completely drained. I don't know if its from the emotion of dealing with the infection in my incision, or from the dread of seeing the oncologist tomorrow.
Taking off the bandage in the shower this morning, was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life.
On the part of the incision that got infected - there is now a hole the size of a nickel. And the hole is deep, deep into my skin.
Like a Crater.
The goal was to get into the shower and after the bandage gets wet, to pull it off. Let the water run over it. And then use hydrogen peroxide on it before putting another bandage on it.
No, not going to happen.
I slowly pulled the bandage off - and after I saw the super-huge hole in my right breast - I just freaked out.
I put the bandage back on it.
I immediately got out of the shower, dried it off, and put on a new bandage.
I had to sit down for a while after that one. That was pretty dern freaky.
As I walked around my apartment getting dressed, I was muttering under my breath "I have to get back to my normal life. I can't go on like this any longer."
I needed to do my grocery shopping at Whole Foods . I was running out of all my necessary organic things, and I needed them.
I mainly ended up buying alot of vegetables and free-range, organic chicken breasts.
But I was on auto-pilot.
After the events of this morning in the shower, I was drained. Totally out of it.
The emotional stress just zapped all my energy.
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